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i dislike it when i am stuck all day reading up on forum and wasting my time through and through.

one thing that i hate the most while reading forums is that it will get my mind to be craving for superficial items. like for example, i am yearning to no end to get a braces but my parents are in no hell going to fork out the money to get me one. and then i have self-esteem problem especially with my nose. so i am decided – yes! i already made the decision! – to go for fillers! it cost only a mere SGD1000 so don’t mind don’t mind. will get it done before my europe trip. ain’t telling my mom cos she will freak out.

and then reading the post about other’s fantastic trip, i kept craving to go to bangkok, krabi, bali, LA, melbourne and the list continues to no end.

it makes me feel so materialistic but i don’t know why there isn’t a feeling of guilt at all!

and here goes the plan for my upcoming holidays :

bandung in june : confirmed and booked flight and hotel so no way in hell am i backing out!
august, september, october : no plans yet. maybe to thailand for a short gateaway. no concrete plans.
march, april : to europe!

i have my 2012 holidays planned out already. going to aussie down under again for 2 weeks!

now to start saving and working. maybe during the august, september and october, i might forgo any idea of going overseas and work my buttock off. for money!

good day people! i have shits to complete!

life is not as it seems.

sometimes rosy and other times not. friends come and go in my life and honestly speaking, i bet i have cried a million buckets due to friendship problem compared to crying for my family and ex-boyfriend. in truth, i treasured my friends more but no matter what though, my family still comes first on the list.

thinking back, i think most of my friends treat me as a backup in case they broke up with their boyfriend. i am like an avenue for them to drown their stupid fucking sorrows after a break up and then they could throw me aside once again when they find for themselves a new fling. never did i thought of it back then. oh how stupid!

when there is a call from their boyfriend asking for a meet up they will just ditch me one corner and say – oh my boyfriend wants to meet up with me! holy fuck you stupid cibai! isn’t that suppose to be our girl time together??!! or otherwise the boyfriend will come and meet us up and i always end up being an extra tree background while they do all the couple things together and forget that a person like me ever exist.

moral of a story. best friend don’t exist. they will always choose guys over you!
it’s just a bunch of phoney that movies like to embed in their storyline!

these few days, me and a friend has been talking about the past.
reminiscing down memory lane. thinking back, i realized how much i am still holding on to the past but i am trying to believe myself that i am moving on. the facts are far from the truth. but the anger is still there of you leaving me suddenly.

there were no goodbyes. only tears.
if you were here right now in front of me, i think my first reaction will be to slap you.

we always have our endless list of idealistic character that we want in a man.

what sets you a part from others is the very fact that you always love me more than i seem to love myself. i do wonder why you know, on most occasions. i am full of flaws. i am not tall. neither am i pretty nor do i have a perky ass to boot with. my mood is so extreme like melbourne’s weather and extremely stubborn to too. but you still love me unconditionally.

i am trying my best to move on. but the more i think of the past, the more i realised that i miss you.

what about those that we do not want? me i only have 2 right now : a malay and younger than me.

don’t go all orh hor racist on me! if you have seen the batch of people that i am with right now, you will definitely understand the dilemma that i am going through right now. i have never get along with my own race since my primary school days! never really understand them honestly. there will be the religion talk about how i am a muslim but don’t act like one and all the shit stuffs. honestly speaking, i am much more tamer than most others out there who drinks till their belly turns 8 months preggy looking! i don’t drink in clubs – i prefer those quiet place and no no to drinks still. i am only into sipping. i don’t wear clothes that are super revealing and yet i am being judged just because i am a muslim malay by others who are almost similar to me or worst which is super judge mental mind you!

about them being younger than me, well let’s just say i am not a fan of older women younger man kind of relationship. i think i feel more insecure about dating a younger man compared to a playboy! hahaha! i don’t know why. i guess perhaps guys who are younger than me are much more unpredictable. and no matter how i look at it, older man always seem (or maybe these are just my fantasies but whatever) more romantic?

mom decided to bring me to mustafa on thursday instead to buy all my stuffs.

on monday to change money. eveything is being done last minute. am thinking of not sleeping at all and perhaps just doze off while in the flight. 6 weeks away from singapore! i will miss so much from here!

i was contemplating to have a SGD75 hair cut tomorrow but the thought of using that money in china instead pulled my thoughts back together again. maybe i will do it once i come back from china when i have the spare cash. advance planning for various holidays are sending my pocket into deep deep shit!

let me see…. atleast 2k for aussie and 5k for europe. and that will leave me completely broke thereafter!

preparing a checklist of what to bring – super irritating but the first thing on my list – SANITIZER!!

god! i think i will die without it!

its way past midnight and i am less than even 15 hours away from freedom!

but i still have a lot to do like the TOR submission which i am ultra super lazy to do!
and there is the preparation for Wuhan trip. Man, there is so many things to do really. And I am really afraid of over spending cos well, if i am in a foreign country, i love to do that – a great hobby!

and man, i really cannot wait for next year! paradise in europe! i am still not forgetting about Melbourne. i just cannot stop gushing over it 🙂
it has been decided that i will start working one month from the day of graduation and that will be around May. working for me to further my studies otherwise if still not sufficient, i will go for bank loan 🙂

okay nevermind. now to get back to ECAD. need to bunk in at by 5am. i got hospital appointment tomorrow 😦

i had my first drink yesterday. okay make it a sip.

i had champagne and i don’t know – something weird that has vodka in it. after all my ignoring and pushing away because of bad memories of my friends puking after drinking, smelling worse than an ass – i finally succumbed to having some sip of it. and it tasted REAL BAD!

i don’t know what made people wanted more of it. it not only tasted bad but smell like fart too!
i had a slight headache after that although it was only a sip of those 2 drinks but i think i will take it as it wasn’t the drink fault. perhaps due to lack of sleep – had only 6 hours of it and also i did 2 yoga sessions back to back before heading out for CNY where I first learn how to gamble for the very first time.

initially it was money, after that it went to coke and if you know how quite health conscious i am right now, you might understand my predicament about coke but after that it was switched to plain water which is thank god! and for the first time in MANY YEARS – yes! YEARS! i am not mistaken at all by that – I pee-ed more than thrice within a day! hell! more than two is damn darn rare!

recently, my friends and i made a wish. we wished that all of us will age gracefully 🙂
she was super sweet and i love her to pieces 🙂 2013 🙂 europe trip when i take a break from my studies!
next year is to Melbourne for graduation trip again. not complaining much cos i still miss that place to pieces! to london and venice in the mid – my cousins are craving for some english! hahaha! and final year trip before embarking to university again – i am not sure  that will be my younger sister’s choice. maybe i will try and psycho her to go perhaps some asian courtry. if not to LA or New York.

This year will be peace. China and Bandung. Maybe Krabi and alot of in between trip to KL and Johor.

i need to keep to my plans so that i will not burst my caps limit.

by 2013 february – i need to have SGD20,000 in MY OWN BANK!
and a level 5 KLPT and also acceptance letter into a university.

wish me luck!

there will always be a level of patience for everything.
but my temper does not seem to last where money concerns.this is little nerving but I really hope there will be one soul to give me a call tomorrow to explain to me regarding the statues absent for my yoga class which i did not confirmed it at all!! i mean i did sign up for it, put on the waiting list but did not notice a miss call from them way after the class is over. but still! i had not confirmed it at all! and if i were to cancel it, it will be considered as late cancellation! i really love pure yoga! really do especially with the facilities and the instructors and all. but man, their booking system sucks big time man!
if this does not improve, i am going to change yoga center once my membership with this company is over. maybe i will then move with Bikram yoga – the authentic one at Raffles city. i don’t mind at all burning 170 bucks per month and even forgo the suspension of account while i am in china.

i am willing to pay as much just as long as the service is up on par with it. so far, bikram has shown me that but the price is too steep for a student like me who is not contributing a single cent for the payment of pureyoga usage from my own wallet. i will start working next year onwards therefore, i don’t mind switching to a more expensive place.

if this incident end on a sour note, i will really anticipate the termination of the contract in December.

i got to say, yesterday was the highlight of my life.

for the first time in a long time, i enjoyed my birthday so much! and i kinda prefer the companion compared to the materialistic stuff!


i had always preferred materialistic stuff but for once yesterday, i love the companion so much! met with aishah and super thanks for the treat man! we walked and walked and i found things that i want HN to buy for me (yeah, i got it already! THANKS HONEY! Thank your dad too!) Then met up with Steffi and some indonesian friends. At first it thought there were going to be 4 of us only but turn out to be 6! (nice number!)

There was Rio, Rio’s brother which I just got to know, Rio’s brother’s friend which I just got to know also, Zico who just came back from aussie and Steffi of course!

Now it came back to me on how much i missed my P6 life where throughout that year, i only mix with indonesians and more of them. only 1 local boy and even that, he is a mixed like me (half indonesian) oh oh, make that 2 local boy since wei zhou is always there too. there was one thai and the rest are indonesians! they were loud, and a little rough but SUPER funny! i really miss the bunch so much!

my indonesian was then quite excellent thanks to them really. yesterday, i felt like i need to brush up on my indonesian again. i was  replying everyone in english because my accent was horrendous since it’s been long since i talked in that language! i need to meet up with the bunch as often as i could.

there is a distinctive difference between my local and foreign friends that i can never point it out on what is it since i don’t really know. maybe the way they carry themselves or i don’t know, the way they treasure their friends.

but let’s say it honestly, i will choose my foreign friends anytime.
if not for them, i won’t be here.

P/S: Thanks for the birthday wishes everyone!! Thank you so much!
P/P/S: Thanks for the great day today 🙂

xoxo everyone, love you guys!

in a dilemma now. skip if you know nothing about coding and all.

need to decide whether to use PHP or ASP.NET.
honestly, either way i have to relearn both from scratch. from online reading, PHP is better for server-base software and i must admit the codes looks simpler but that is just that. i cannot seem to comprehend how to add  visuals into it when there is no view option and all is just source option -___-”

ASP.NET on the otherhand, i am plainly used to it. although yes, i still don’t get a single crank of their codes after almost a year with Visual Basics. That is how terrible i am with coding honestly. but designing wise, atleast i can see what i am doing to the software outlook.

going to scoot my butt to national library after china’s briefing tomorrow. and then to bras basah to see if i can lay my hands on any gem that may help me decide which of them i should use.
other softwares that i will be using of course include fireworks CS4 for dropdownlist, photoshop CS4 for editing and flash CS4 too. oh and not forgetting MySQL database which i have to make the table from scratch which is agonizing! need to get book on database too it seems although i have to admit on this one – my database is not too scratchy.

now i need to do the list of functional requirements and i am ALMOST complete.
after that to choose a song for animation. i am going to use my sister.


and that is that.
officially, tomorrow i turn a year older. 2 days ago, it slipped my mind in fact after i got the scope of what my project is all about. trust me, it got me excited and scared at the same time because i am the first person to ever implement such a project and there is no reference or what so ever for me.

it’s a damn FROM SCRATCH job. oh and did i mention that this is a solo project?
therefore, YES i am DAMN DOOM if i don’t do a great job! and plus i have a repeat module to attend!
DWA is a little easier at least but it does not ease the fact that i suck at coding and stupid DWA has tons of it especially in the final exam. i am expecting a B atleast coming from a repeat module.

holiday in china does not seem like a dream anymore. i need to lug books to read on coding while having free break. lug my korean book cos i promise myself to at least revise korean an hour a day minimum.

so tomorrow, after library then what? lunch out and back to hitting the books and of course executing my Understanding animation project. i hope it’s good enough.

and i thought once ECAD is over, i can rest my mind. but not really.
until the day my In House Project (IHP) is over, i will constantly have my mind fretting over crap.

now, to sleep cos there is china briefing tomorrow.