the past is glueing to me

these few days, me and a friend has been talking about the past.
reminiscing down memory lane. thinking back, i realized how much i am still holding on to the past but i am trying to believe myself that i am moving on. the facts are far from the truth. but the anger is still there of you leaving me suddenly.

there were no goodbyes. only tears.
if you were here right now in front of me, i think my first reaction will be to slap you.

we always have our endless list of idealistic character that we want in a man.

what sets you a part from others is the very fact that you always love me more than i seem to love myself. i do wonder why you know, on most occasions. i am full of flaws. i am not tall. neither am i pretty nor do i have a perky ass to boot with. my mood is so extreme like melbourne’s weather and extremely stubborn to too. but you still love me unconditionally.

i am trying my best to move on. but the more i think of the past, the more i realised that i miss you.

what about those that we do not want? me i only have 2 right now : a malay and younger than me.

don’t go all orh hor racist on me! if you have seen the batch of people that i am with right now, you will definitely understand the dilemma that i am going through right now. i have never get along with my own race since my primary school days! never really understand them honestly. there will be the religion talk about how i am a muslim but don’t act like one and all the shit stuffs. honestly speaking, i am much more tamer than most others out there who drinks till their belly turns 8 months preggy looking! i don’t drink in clubs – i prefer those quiet place and no no to drinks still. i am only into sipping. i don’t wear clothes that are super revealing and yet i am being judged just because i am a muslim malay by others who are almost similar to me or worst which is super judge mental mind you!

about them being younger than me, well let’s just say i am not a fan of older women younger man kind of relationship. i think i feel more insecure about dating a younger man compared to a playboy! hahaha! i don’t know why. i guess perhaps guys who are younger than me are much more unpredictable. and no matter how i look at it, older man always seem (or maybe these are just my fantasies but whatever) more romantic?