bras for the bro

i need to change my diet now cos my brother pissed me off this afternoon after i got home from the gym.

he went like “siti! you need to do alot of squats man! look at those huge thighs!”

well my dear brother, fuck you and your man boobs man!
at least i am working towards it! i can prove to you that there will be changes by end december you boobies!

i need to start consuming around only 1800 cals and up my gym by 5 times a week and perhaps bikram yoga every 2weeks or so. he really pisses the damn fuck out of me! i mean, i just freaking started! what, you expect me to be like last time, losing a kilo every day?! that was my apple diet man and everyone can freaking do it but not now for me because my appetite has change!

by the way, yeejia, if you think i am choosy now, you haven’t seen me in the past!
no spicy, no pasta, no noodle, no this whole chuck of list of vegetables, no this whole list of ingredients….
i think i spent the least amount of money back then on food. i kept drinking water.

but my thighs were still as huge as ever. it’s the main focal point of my body. i wonder if it’s genetic (NOOOOOO!!!)

and when i do hit my target weight by the time im in china, i will GENEROUSLY DONATE all my C-cup bra to YOU, MY DEAR BROTHER! in order to support those man boobs from being droopy and saggy like those bra-less native african women!

im aiming for 48kg. but, it was a hard weight for me to maintain back then. i have always been around 50kg during the early secondary school days and when i was toned up and everything, i hit 49kg and that was my fittest back then. the only time i can hit 48kg is during the fasting month and i was a workaholic back then thus shed that very hard-stubborn 1kg.

so hold on tight my brother to those boobs of yours.
i will try to shed the weight quickly and give you my attention-seeking bras

this settles it.

i shall stop the tears from falling.

it is horridly ridiculous on why i keep thinking about it over and over again. i mean, why bother about you to begin with?! apparently, you are perfectly fine there with no worries in the world so why should i bother right?

i live my own life you live yours.

i am going to be so good that you will regret for abandoning me when i need you the most! for leaving me when i need the guide! for making me waste my fucking tears on you!

if you think i am thankful to you for everything that you had done for me in the past, think again.
i did my fair share. i don’t think i owe you anymore gratitude.
we are fucking even now.

i shall walk my way now. and fuck off!

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well, tomorrow will be a tiring day.
i need to wake up early. i might go gym after that if i am not tired or otherwise i will go and have a walk around the park.

for the above, don’t bother okay since it is not meant for you, you or you!

i got to sleep in now. i have important task to do tomorrow.

goodnight

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just some rant.

i am still in contemplation whether i should get that zara jacket which cost a freaking SGD90 and that is super ultra cheap i swear! i am not trying to show that i am motherfucking rich or something but seriously, when living in singapore and by looking at the market rate for IMPORTED STUFF, some things are really DIRT cheap when it is bought-in-singapore! and the leather jacket that i have which created quite a number of comments – let me tell you this, guys gave a more positive comments compared to the ladies when it’s a FEMALE leather jacket!

what! do i have a guy’s taste and dress like one?!

anyway, i have already done what as joyce had told me to : create a list of things that i want to buy in china

and i swear it is super long! i really hope that i get to go on this wuhan trip or otherwise, i am so going to use all that money and just fly to perhaps s.korea and will not give a flying fuck about anything! starting on my “fasting” tomorrow. cos today i ate so much that i think i just burst waaayyy over the limit of my 1600 calories per day!

i mean look at this list : kaki fuyong chicken, cheese fries kfc, popcorn movie, fries from BBQ chicken and macaroni from my cousin! i bet that is a total of 2500 calories in total! damn shit man!

john little sale was awesome! got like extra 20% off because of joyce (THANKS!) and i swear i regretted till now for bringing so little money! i could have gotten my sloggi, sorella and all! young hearts is a total bitch because the cater to people up to cup B! even 80B could not freaking fit my whole breast! there will be spillage at the top!

anyway, i need to get lasenza instead. going to the shop tomorrow to try out and then go online and get it. i did though bought pierre cardin SET for like SGD9.60! SGD10 cheaper! and of course i bought my wedges at last! those make up sponge if you don’t know. i have been searching for those cheap-a-roos one and finally found one at john little and it was like buy one get one freeee! so the other one goes to aishah.

i hope there will be another john little sale sooon cos i need to stock up on my make up stuff. my loose powder is running out

and i need to sleep so goodnight.

rubbish…

i am really hating pierre cardin bras now. they keep poking at my breast for no fuck! freaking painful alright!

i think i might go get either a la senza, triumph or calvin klein on friday while in town. i just cannot stand the motherfucking poke! need to get a pair of lulu lemon working out pants cos i realized most of my workout attire are just a bunch of rubbish meshed together. when i get a leaner top, going to change my workout attire to nike 3/4 tops with insole bra cos – i am tired of wearing sports bra honestly…

i just realised how expensive lulu lemon pants are. at 150 per pants excluding shipping, i think i will get it when i go there or when i get my salary or something. otheriwse, i opt for nike/puma/new balance which are definitely more pocketable on my side. and i saw a fitness fit bra which is fucking hot, going to check out the shipping price.

okay it’s expensive. don’t want :/

whatever i am tired now. and i find myself typing rubbish. and i don’t like elearning cos i end up not submitting anything because of some screwed up shit!

countdown to the final days.

6 more weeks to holiday people!
4 more weeks to PM assignment

i haven’t ponteng school yet. only the first day because i was so dead tired and it felt like depavali. so one for ooad2 and one for ecad. i have totally no intention to ponteng ecad no more. it will definitely help me in dwa next semester which is totally what the fuck!

and okay. i really need my license by next year latest! because kia soul is coming to singapore like fucking finally! it is an absolute charm. was browsing for audi cars and my god! expensive please! i can only afford the second hand version! even that will be a four year old car! but i have always found audi really captivating – much more then mazda. but whatever. i am still schooling. i don’t need audi or porche or a lamborghini to zoom around singapore with a speed limit of 50km/h on normal roads plus, parking such expensive cars in hdb parking every night?

no way! totally not cool!

currently in saving mode. im limiting my spending to like 4bucks per day and you know what, it’s working! i think i ate pork just now cos it tasted like pork! at that point of time, i feel like submitting myself to god! hahahahahaha! i have something against eating pork you see… i mean, it’s fat, gross, ugly and eats it’s own damn shit! how URRRGHHH! is that!??

i just bought queen’s helen mint juleb masque online. it’s less then SGD10 including shipping so don’t mind me. it’s not my card anyway…

I LOVE I.T. I LOVE I.T. I LOVE I.T. I LOVE I.T. I LOVE I.T. I LOVE I.T. I LOVE I.T.

trying to psycho. i know i can love it and do it.

fight. again

i just had another major fight with my mom again.
it’s like since the wedding, it has been a neverending feud.

and i am fucking adamant that she start opening her fucking mind up and stop being an A-hole just for once! we were just browsing brother’s wedding photo and she was telling me that for the rest of us, when we get married, it won’t be as grand as my brother’s one(pfft! like i care!) but i told her, that i don’t want it to be like brother’s wedding where the girlss and guys are separated and yeah, she got mad at me because of that!

i mean, come on like what the flying fuck! the number of malay friends i have are countable with my fingers okay! i don’t even need the assistance of my toes! and to seperate them is like totally what the fuck. and you know what she says?

“i don’t want to have sins(about girls and guys sitting together) during MY ceremony!”

fuck it okay! what YOUR CEREMONY! then what am i?! some dog shit?! IT IS MY CEREMONY OKAY! MY MARRIAGE!! WHO ARE YOU TO CONTROL MY MARRIAGE CEREMONY OTHER THAN BEING MY MOTHER!!?

it was the part when she says that it is her ceremony that got me pissed off. my brother did not mind because my parents was paying for everything during his wedding. hell no am i going to let my mother ruin mine if i ever have one! i mean, fuck!no! so what if she invites her friends?! it is still MY wedding okay! never going to be yours old hag so face it! you used to be able to run your own wedding without g.ma interfering. i am not going to let you do so for mine!

like i said, you can push dian, ika and ahmad all you want and lead them by the nose.

don’t even think you can push me! you should know how daring i can be!

you can beat me and slap me all you want but you know i never once wrong and i let you continue with it!
but the previous time was the one that snap me out because you know what?! you just seem to go overboard sometimes and just won’t say sorry.

since that day, i vowed never to give in to you anymore because i have had enough of your bullshit mother!

triple

i just freaking hate hypocrites!

fuck their own ahole up and down! so i had this friend that used to go like “ewww! i don’t freaking eat non-halal food. i only dine at halal eatery!” when i told her i ate at boon tong kee, tony roma and the lot. and she also used to go “you bloody go clubbing?! man you are wild! i will never go clubbing!”

and you know what now?! i am seeing her fucking eat subway sandwich when it is a none halal eatery that serves fucking pork for the love of god! and she freaking goes clubbing like fucking ewwww!! i am wild?! oh yes i am but well, at least i am not a fucking hypocrite!

the difference between you and me is that, i do things when i am young so as to not regret and go against my words while as for you biatch! it’s fucking vice versa!

all i can say now is : EAT MY DUST BITCH!

_____________________________________________

china is happening john is coming too! hopefully jerfen too then we can go shopping together!

i know china . bleah! but then i am trusting jo’s and shah’s experience in wuhan
2 less modules when i am back! how is that! and i could add it into my resume which is a bonus. it will be spring so summer clothes will be out for sale which equates to total happiness! dad decided to pay for the trip after i gave him a small lecture mom is going all out for me to go china and even preparing a list of items that i need to bring over as i type this. going to work for the next few months to gather more allowance for the trip(a secret from my parents) and i am trying my very best to save all my allowance from November till end of February and plus the last month is my birthday so you know that bonus is coming. December is coming too and you know that that means extra bonus from my dad and sister and mommy

totally boomz i tell you!

_____________________________________________

the weekends are here to stay!

i have been waiting for these 2 days to come by honestly!
and i have an extra day off on wednesday because it is something like e-learning but they call it by a different name… like pfffttt!! but i will still head down to school cos of gyming session. yes, i have been pumping on the weights lately and been waking slightly earlier and sleeping too just to go gym before class. trust me, you feel a whole lot of a difference. been feeling cranky the past 2 days because i failed to turn up for my gyming session. but tomorrow will be my make up time

alumni is so freaking worth your money man i swear upon that!

anyway, weekends are here and that means time for me to revise on my studies.

start off with econs. got great help from jeremiah.
then ooad2 to just roughly go through and remember some factors that is a must.
then korean cos there is another test next week and trust me, this time it is a total pain in the ass but i am going to work for it.

2 days of rest. going to make full use of it. i fucking could not believe i am studying!

even my mom taught that miracle is happening and judgement day is apparent after seeing me reading my notes and books on a none exam period!

whatever. i want to start living the hard way now so that i can live much easier in the future!

goodnight!

plan

so had korean test and it was simple. until today that is.

we went through the second lesson and goodness gracious! it was as though i was going through hell! she said that, what people go through in 3 months are what they are squeezing in within a few lessons! insanity but i enjoy fast pace lesson really! like i had mentioned before, my concentration span is really short. the only time my concentration can last is when i am interested in that particular something.

so bec going to go take up korean at sks. im going in next year in jun jumping straight to elementary 2 since i am going to continue korean in the coming semester since i am not going for attachment it’s expensive but whatever. and sat is set to be taken around june perhaps? i have about 4 months to prepare. i guess it’s a juggle between IHP, resit module, korean class and sat. i know i can manage and i don’t care. i am so going to do it!

i have been doing alot of research on university. opening up my options more now!
i might consider SIM global. not going for UOL because according to external info, it’s not really as good as it may sound. Perhaps University of Manchester. SMU is in now. Thinking of taking up scholarship really. going to sign up for sia, keppel, sembcorp and other shipping companies. whatever that will take me in. i don’t really care. i will freaking work for you till my time is up and more over to dubai then after a few years, have tons of money, migrate to s.korea and retire there happily.

it is just my happy ending. marriage is not in the card just yet. when i think about it, i have so much to achieve and having a man around is just a hindrance for me to reach my goals.

initially i was thinking of taking up bank loan. if i do, i might go to aussie to do a degree instead but my mom is really against aussie uni. she would rather i go to UK and US or otherwise Japan and Korea to get my degree!

how happy that makes me feel?! superbly.

now that my options are open, about time i chase it.

aiming for A in OOAD2, and all Bs for the rest. make.it.happen!

the reason you are alive

people kept telling me that there is a reason why you are born on this earth.
why god create you and why you exist.

i told my younger sister this:

you exist because god asked you to help me and be my slave!

Hahahahahahaha!!!